SIT DOWN AND ON PURPOSE, NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL, NO MATTER HOW BAD YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES ARE, YOU SIT DOWN AND THINK, “SOMETHING GOOD IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME. SOMETHING GOOD IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME. GOD IS ON MY SIDE AND I HAVE A POSITIVE, UPBEAT, EXCITED, PASSIONATE ATTITUDE.” I WAS RAISED TO BE NEGATIVE — LITERALLY. MY FATHER TAUGHT ME TO BE NEGATIVE. HE SAID, “EVERYBODY’S OUT TO GET YOU. YOU CAN’T TRUST ANYBODY.” HE BASICALLY BUILT AN ATTITUDE INTO ME THAT KIND OF WENT LIKE THIS: IF YOU DON’T EXPECT ANYTHING GOOD TO HAPPEN THEN YOU WON’T BE DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE IT WON’T HAPPEN ANYWAY.
HOW MANY OF YOU GREW UP IN A HOME WITH NEGATIVE PEOPLE WHO WERE JUST ALWAYS… EVERYTHING WAS SOUR, SOUR, SOUR, SOUR? WELL, BECAUSE OF THAT AND JUST BECAUSE OF BEING SO DISAPPOINTED IN MY LIFE, BEING ABUSED BY MY DAD, AND MY FIRST MARRIAGE WAS JUST AN ABSOLUTE MESS BECAUSE I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING ANYWAY, AND I HAD TROUBLE AND I MARRIED SOMEBODY WHO HAD TROUBLE, AND WE JUST GAVE EACH OTHER TROUBLE. IF WE WOULD HAVE HAD ANY KIDS, WE WOULD HAVE GIVEN THEM TROUBLE. AFTER I WAS FILLED WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT IN 1976 AND REALLY BEGAN TO PURSUE A SERIOUS WALK WITH GOD…
AND I WAS A CHRISTIAN MANY YEARS BEFORE THAT, BUT I WASN’T REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT IT. HOW MANY OF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN BY THAT? I WAS STUDYING THE WORD AND LEARNING. ONE MORNING I WAS STANDING AT THE BATHROOM SINK, PUTTING ON MY MAKEUP AND LOOKING IN THE MIRROR, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I BECAME REAL AWARE OF SOMETHING THAT HAD BEEN WITH ME ALL MY LIFE BUT I GUESS I’D JUST PUT UP WITH IT FOR SO LONG THAT I DIDN’T EVEN RECOGNIZE IT. I FELT THIS VAGUE, NEGATIVE, THREATENING FEELING ALL AROUND ME — JUST KIND OF LIKE “WHAT’S THE NEXT BAD THING THAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN?”
